Playing with fire
by KCousland
Summary: Written for the Sneaky Cheeky Monkeys challenge on the Dragon Age Ridiculously Awesome Authors community forum.  Very silly, very short one-shot.  Zevran and Leliana make fun of Alistair.  Again.


_Author's notes: Written for the Sneaky Cheeky Monkeys challenge on the Dragon Age Ridiculously Awesome Authors forum. Go check this forum out if you don't know it already! This is very silly. Very, very silly. To everyone reading this: I am so sorry._

* * *

Zevran was sitting at the desk, sharpening and oiling his blades, while Leliana was idly tuning her lute by the cozy fireplace. They could hear the cold winter's wind howling outside their bedroom window. It was turning out to be a very quiet night at Denerim's Palace, and a good one to be inside. Kaylee was not back yet from her trip with the Dalish, and Nathaniel had to go take care of some Grey Warden business in Amaranthine for a couple of days.

The comfortable silence of the room was soon interrupted by a soft, distant sound. They both raised their heads, suddenly alert.

"Did you hear that?" Leliana asked, putting her lute aside. Zevran got to his feet, weapons still in hand.

"That _tchak tchak_ sound? What was that?"

"Listen, it's doing it again." They could barely hear it, a muffled _tak-tak-tak_ that resounded against the wall.

"Sounds like it's coming from Alistair's bedroom next door, does it not?"

"He's alone in there, right? What could he be doing?"

A wicked grin lifted the corner of Zevran's lips as he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Let's go see, shall we?"

"Oh, shush," Leliana giggled, playfully pushing him away. "We're not…" They heard the strange sound again and Leliana frowned slightly. "Although it is intriguing… All right, we're going to peek, but only because I'm a little worried now."

"Well so am I, _amora_. Why did you think I suggested we go?" Zevran teased, laughter in his voice.

They stepped into the corridor to get to the door next to theirs. Leliana knocked lightly. "Alistair?" she called out.

"Yeeeesss?"

"Can we come in?"

"Emm… sure, I guess."

They opened the door and stepped in the dimly lit room. It took them a minute to find Alistair. He was sitting in a chair facing the fireplace, his back to them. They could see his arm moving slightly. The _tak-tak_ sound resounded again.

"Hey guys," Alistair said, half-turning his head towards them. "What is it?"

"Well we thought we heard… are you all right?"

Alistair sighed heavily.

"I'm bored. There's nothing to do, and Kaylee's been gone for a long time. I guess I'm just lonely."

"Ah… Are we... disturbing you? Do you wish to be... alone?

"Not really. I'm not doing anything important, as you can see." _Tak-tak_. The flames in the fireplace grew brighter for a short moment.

"Are you poking at the fire? Is that what we heard?"

"The poker's gone. I swear one of these over-zealous servants took it to get it cleaned. Who cleans a fire poker?" Alistair shook his head. "I found this, though. It does the job just fine," he said, showing them his new tool. Zevran arched an eyebrow as an incredulous grin appeared on his lips. He winked at Leliana, who shook her head slightly. _'Don't,'_ she mouthed soundlessly.

"And, pray tell, what is this?" Zevran asked innocently. Alistair shrugged.

"A rod of some kind, I don't know. I found it in the armory. It's mine now."

"Ah… and what kind of rod is that?"

"Iron, I guess? Why?"

"Oh, nothing," Zevran managed to say, then he had to bit his lower lip pretty hard, to keep himself from laughing. Leliana nudged him with her elbow, warning him to keep quiet, but her eyes were also bright with repressed laughter.

_Tak-tak._

When Zevran got enough of his self-control back to speak again, he asked in a light, detached tone: "So, you are just sitting here all alone in your bedroom, playing with your iron rod, yes?" Leliana pressed her lips together to refrain from laughing out loud.

"I'm not playing with my iron rod," Alistair protested.

"Oh I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend," Zevran said. Leliana tried to shove him into silence, but he caught her by the wrists, laughing soundlessly. "What do you call it then?"

"I'm hardening my iron rod."

"Oh you have _got to_ be kidding me, he did not just _say_ that," Leliana whispered, pressing a hand on her lips to keep quiet. Zevran brought his fist to his mouth and bit hard as tears of laughter formed in his eyes.

"Har… hardening?" he managed to sputter.

"Yes, by putting it in the fire," Alistair said slowly as if he was speaking to a dim-witted child. "Then when my iron rod is hot enough I stroke it once or twice to give it shape and it becomes harder…"

"Oh, please stop!" Zevran exclaimed as Leliana finally burst in laughter. Alistair turned to look at them as they wiped tears from their eyes. "… as it cools… What is so funny?" he asked, frowning, and the two started laughing even harder. The laughing increased even more when they saw the confusion being slowly replaced by startled realization on Alistair's face as he slowly replayed the conversation in his head. Anger quickly followed.

"You two have the dirtiest minds…" he said, standing up and advancing on them, iron rod in hand. "So you just decided to come in here and make fun of the King, did you? Oh, yes, come on in, everyone, come see _Alistair's hardened iron rod_!"

In his anger, his voice had grown louder without his realizing. Two astonished servant's heads popped in the open doorway, mouths agape and eyes round. "Hem… your Majesty? Did you… say something?" one of them asked hesitantly. Alistair's face flushed crimson red as Zevran and Leliana roared in laughter.

"Get out! Everybody, get out!" he yelled, pushing the two helpless laughing forms of his friends through the open door and slapping it shut. They leaned on the outside wall for a while, trying to catch their breath.

"Oh Maker we've got to do this again sometimes!" Leliana panted, wiping tears away.

"Oh yes. Let's wait for Kaylee next time. She'll have a blast!"


End file.
